Baseline & The Sandwich Artist

 
My patience was thin; I was feeling a little tired, under the weather & grumpy, so I went to Subway for some soup...

Me: Do you have soup?

Sandwich Artist: No not until next fall.

Me: (A little disappointed) OK (looking at all of their posters showing their NEW special pork sandwich) How about your pork sandwich special?

Sandwich Artist: Sorry, we're out of pork.

Me: Fuuuuuuu#k... Ok give me a minute.

Sandwich Artist: Ok.

(A minute later)

Me: How about a Flatizza?

Sandwich Artist: Sorry but our turbo oven is broke.

Me: No, I think I'm good thanks. (Exit). (Thinking to myself, you've GOT to be kidding me!? WTF! Really?!).

It was VERY difficult being respectful and polite, but I was mindful enough to understand that it wasn't the gals fault they didn't have what I wanted, so I refrained from taking it out on her. Instead I smiled treated her nicely and as many do vented later on Facebook. In a while I probably won't even remember this incident and neither will the girl. However She probably would have remembered for a long time if I was some rude jerk who treated her disrespectfully because they didn't have what I wanted. So I at least felt good about that, even though my belly was still empty for the time being.
Funny story that kinda resembles an old Seinfeld episode of the Soup Nazi! "No soup for you!" 
The real lesson here is you can't always control what happens to you, but you CAN control how you respond to it. It is easy for things to get blown out of proportion when WE become part of the problem. 

Now I suppose I could've yelled at the girl who was serving me. I could have made a big scene or got the manager, or written or stormed off to show my displeasure, but what would have that done? AND how big of a deal was it in the first place?As a matter of fact, what is the bigger deal:

1) The person telling me about something that was out of their control: Subway not having what they advertised 

                                                          OR
2) Me disrespecting someone and treating them badly because I didn't get my way?


My thought is that the greater offense between the two would have been me disrespecting someone over something so trivial. 

In the courses I teach we talk a lot about having a good BASELINE. Meaning that you are doing your best to not be part of the problem. This simple act can be difficult sometimes and almost impossible at others.
~
Our internal conflict can cause or contribute to the very problems we are faced with. Not to mention if we get caught up in the storm of emotions how can we  be part of the solution? So, if we can't control our emotions, they'll control us and then we'll probably add to the problem that we are trying to deal with. 
~
Here are some suggestions for what a good Baseline is:

1) See Conflict as an Opportunity.

2) Use an appropriate Greeting.

3) Tactical Grounding - Breathe

4) Eye of the Storm – Calm, Cool, Confident

5) Separate the persons LV from their Actions

6) LISTEN! (Ask clarifying questions, why are they behaving that way?)

7) Show Empathy (Acknowledge their feelings, act respectful, etc.)

8) Watch your Tone. (It’s how you say what you say)

9) Strive for Most Good, Least Harm for Everyone!

10) Be a Protector of EVERYONE, especially the person behaving poorly.

11) Focus on Solutions.

12) Find Common Ground.

13) Help the person Save Face. 
14) Be patient.
15) Have a Plan if the person does not change their behavior.
~
These things are simple but not easy, especially when you are stressed. 
Here's a little exercise to put you back on track when you need it:
~
 TACTICAL GROUNDING EXERCISE
1) Take a deep breath & Align Your Spine.
2) Put on your Game Face.
3) Say to yourself, I can do this, I’m a Protector!
~
               Finding space within yourself to Respect, Protect & Empower yourself and others while you are feeling aggravated, threatened or stressed is difficult and it takes the right perspective, appropriate tools and of course constant practice. If you are looking for more skills and practice with this come train with us at:
Keep going!
 ~Craig

Comments

  1. UnknownApril 27, 2014 at 7:37 AM

    Excellent post! But...what's up with Subway? My husband and I went in to try a new sub they were advertising, and they said they didn't have it. Then, the lady proceeded to tell us everything they were out of. We left...NICELY, of course! :O)

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

An Uncomfortable Situation

Image
  Funny pic (and movie) about a not so funny situation… In training as in Life, it’s better to treat people with dignity and respect. However… What does that look like in the moment? Being that I’m teaching a Women’s Assault Prevention and Response Workshop this weekend - it’s probably a good time to talk about… Uncomfortable Situations Let’s talk about training at the academy for a minute… We run open co-ed classes at the local academy. What does that mean? Men and women train together, but we don’t stop there. People of different skill levels, backgrounds, ethnicities, sexual orientations, careers, religious beliefs, political affiliations, ages, injuries, pre-existing conditions, life experience, training expectations etc. etc. train together! We ALL work together! Overall, I think it’s better this way. Of course sometimes there’s static, you know, conflicts, and misunderstanding. When something happens, most of the time it’s just that, a misunderstanding… Sometimes people ...
Read more

What'd You Say?!

Image
  You ever have a conversation with someone who really lifted your spirits? How about having a conversation with someone who’s a real downer?! We spend a lot of time talking to people. Matter of fact, talking is one of the most under rated and under trained aspects of protecting yourself. It’s much better if you can talk your way out of a bad situation, rather than having to resort to some form of physicality. This is why we spend so much time on sharing effective communication frameworks in the PeaceWalker course. But All of that Aside… When we think about communicating, we often just think about talking to other people. We forget how we talk to ourselves! You may have heard it called, “Self talk.” All day long we talk to ourselves. We carry on an inner dialogue in our heads that only we can hear. Unfortunately, this means it's very easy to be hard on ourselves. There's something about privacy which makes it easy to say the things you would never say out loud to another living...
Read more

Cracks in Your Foundation?!

Image
  Last night we had one of our weekly coaching calls for the PeaceWalker Evolution Course. What a great call! Rob and Jenn, a couple of the Level II - Momentum folks (people who graduated from Evolution last year and came back for the second Level.), were tasked to run the meeting as part of their training. I must say, they did a stand up job! The topic of discussion was building an Unshakable Foundation. WTH is that!? It’s basically the way you live. Your habits. What you do in your day to day life. How do you train your… Body  - Your physical health Mind  - What you’re filling your head with Mouth  - How you’re communicating Heart  - How you foster your relationships Why?! Without a solid foundation it’s difficult to remain balanced. When you are not balanced, it more difficult to stay calm, cool, and collected, (especially) under pressure. As I often say,  “You can’t hide crazy.” (It eventually comes out!) Regardless… You don’t have to be in the PeaceWal...
Read more