Let Me Do That

 

I was at my favorite coffee shop sipping on a latte' and working on a presentation, when I saw this older gentleman wearing an Vietnam Vet Army baseball hat buy a couple cups of coffee to go. As he was putting the top on one of the cups, he spilled a bit of coffee on the floor. I noticed him walk painfully slowly, limping to get a napkin to clean up his spill. His struggling continued as he began to awkwardly bend down to wipe up the mess. Seeing this I put down my computer, stood up quickly and said, "Sir, I'll take care of that," reaching out toward him to grab the napkin from his hand.

In my head I believed he would be thankful for my help, but you know what they say about assuming?!

He jerked back abruptly saying "Don't touch me... I don't like to be touched."

I replied, with my hand coming up non-violently, "Ok, ok, sir, I'm just trying to give you a hand."

"I don't need your help, I can take care of myself," he said sharply.


"I know you can," I added gently, my hands still up.  

He finished his business and curtly thanked me as he left.

Here I thought I was doing something helpful for someone in need, but like a puppy, I got my muddy paws on someones Sunday clothes. I realized that I was a big part of the problem. 

I should have approached the man differently. I should maybe have said something like, "Sir, can I give you a hand?" or "Sir, can I help you?" Rather than being so assertive and TELLING him that I'd "take care of it." My simply asking him if I could provide help may have avoided the uncomfortable encounter.

I may have startled him or I may have inadvertently not allowed him to save face in public.  I took for granted that he needed help and didn't give him the chance to decide. Sometimes people don't want others to think they can't fend for themselves or are a burden.

Whatever the reason, it made me think of my assumptions and how I approach a situation. Even with good intentions, sometimes we can be part of the problem.

Continue to be ever mindful! Some things are a bit counter intuitive at first glance.


All the best,
~Craig
 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

An Uncomfortable Situation

Image
  Funny pic (and movie) about a not so funny situation… In training as in Life, it’s better to treat people with dignity and respect. However… What does that look like in the moment? Being that I’m teaching a Women’s Assault Prevention and Response Workshop this weekend - it’s probably a good time to talk about… Uncomfortable Situations Let’s talk about training at the academy for a minute… We run open co-ed classes at the local academy. What does that mean? Men and women train together, but we don’t stop there. People of different skill levels, backgrounds, ethnicities, sexual orientations, careers, religious beliefs, political affiliations, ages, injuries, pre-existing conditions, life experience, training expectations etc. etc. train together! We ALL work together! Overall, I think it’s better this way. Of course sometimes there’s static, you know, conflicts, and misunderstanding. When something happens, most of the time it’s just that, a misunderstanding… Sometimes people simply do
Read more

The Shot Heard Around the World

Image
Even though many could see where all of this division and hatred in our country was leading to, when we witness the actual violence, realty once again floods in and has a way of shattering the comfort of our complacency, if only until the next headline. Some may find all of this shocking, others may see it simply validating their own fears. Regardless, of your political views, we have to take into account what this level of violence can do not only to the former President and his family, but what does to the state of our entire Nation. Yesterday as news broke of former President Donald Trump being shot, I can’t say that I was entirely surprised. Saddened, but not surprised. Regardless of your political stance, this act of violence is a dark reminder of the dangerous consequences of a society steeped in hate and division. Our collective heartbreak should not be about politics, but about the division and hatred that fuels this erosion of our humanity. We live in a time where traditional
Read more

Cutting Through the Static

Image
  Me and the crew at Venue 3 Two after a PeaceWalker Conflict Communication Workshop Remember in the old days when you used to listen to the radio on a road trip? No, not digital or streaming. I’m talking about old school FM radio. When you’re putting some miles on and crossing state lines. The radio stations you listen to don’t broadcast far enough for your entire trip, so you have to channel surf to find new channels as you move on down the road. You continue to push the search button until you hear a song in the genre that you want so you can lock in a desirable station for a spell. Sometimes you’re listening to a song you really like but the station is fading… The static starts feint, almost imperceptible, than grows in intensity to the degree that you can no longer ignore it. If you really like the song, you try to hang on as long as you can, listening to the tune through the white noise and times it cuts out completely, hoping to hear as much of the song as you can before the sta
Read more