Tough Crowd... But This Really Stunned Them!
Last week's blog reminded me of a story...
A few years back I was hired by the Michigan Counselor Association to be keynote presenter and do a couple breakout sessions on conflict management.
In one of the breakouts, I showed them how verbal communication and physical defensive tactics go hand in hand.
I demonstrated to them how these two are essential not only for your safety, but when you bring these together, your confidence raises in pretty much everything you do!
The Experience Stunned Them...
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"In my opinion, one of the main problems of many of the approaches embraced by today's schools is that they are coming from the wrong place. They are starting from the wrong foundation. They are beginning from a place of false assumptions and more importantly from a flawed, warped perspective of the human experience.”
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What?! The crowd mouthed.
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"Could I get a volunteer?" I asked politely.
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A small, young lady stepped up.
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"Let's say that you have to talk to me. Stand where you normally would to talk." I said to her with a slight grin.
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She adjusted her position slightly and stood there.
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"Do you feel safe?" I asked.
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She nodded confidently.
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"Are you sure?" I asked, as I reached my hand out and put it on her shoulder.
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The energy began to change in the room as I began to illustrate my point.
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"What is stopping me from hurting you right now?"
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My comment didn't quite register with her, so I repeated it slower, more deliberate, more intentional.
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"What is stopping me from hurting you right now?"
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Her eyes widened as the air was sucked out of the room from my statement.
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"If I can touch you, that means I can grab you, hit you, throw you down, assault you, rape you. And what are you going to do about it?"
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Now you could hear a pin drop in the room.
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"Do you think you can make it to that door (about 25 feet away) before I got a hold of you?"
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Before she could answer, I said, "I doubt it, I'd own you before you got two steps off."
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"Do you think you could get to your cell phone and dial 911? The answer is NO." I said flatly.
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"Let's say someone here was able to call for help, how long do you think it would take the cops to get here?" I asked gravely.
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"Too long." I exclaimed, adding, "do you know what I could do to you in the 10 or 20 minutes it took them to get here?"
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The young counselor was now visibly uncomfortable, so uncomfortable she was frozen in her place. No doubt wondering why she volunteered in the first place.
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"OK, what about all of your friends here in the room?" I said, waving my hands around the room like some magician would before making someone disappear.
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"Do you think anyone would help you?"
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"Maybe, but probably not, at least not at first," I said matter-of-factly.
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"Do you know how much I could hurt and humiliate you in that time?" I said looking her.
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"A LOT!" I pointed out with a menacing look in my eye.
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"How do you feel right now?" I asked her.
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She didn't say anything at first. So I said it another way.
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"Do you feel safe? Do you feel confident? Do you feel empowered?"
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"No," she said barely above a whisper, shaking her head slightly.
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I began to soften my words and demeanor.
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On a scale of one to five how safe, confident and empowered do you feel right now?
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"One or one and a half," she shared looking up hesitantly.
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"This is how kids feel with a bully. The threat of a physical attack is always imminent as well as the emotional and psychological victimization. These are all factors in their world... And they know it." I explained.
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I went on to say, "The only reason we do not feel (physically) unsafe as adults in this society is because of a social contract we unconsciously agree to which states that (pretty much) whatever happens we are not going to try to physically hurt one another."
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That social contract doesn't exist for kids, criminals and people who get emotionally overwhelmed, in the same way it does for (most) of us as adults.
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"Would you like me to show you some simple ways that you could raise your confidence in how to handle this situation?" I asked her.
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"Yes, of course," she exclaimed as her demeanor began to relax.
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I shared a simple yet profound method of how to better manage this concept of "Tactical Space," where to stand, how to move and what to look for to be safer and have a tactical advantage if someone was trying to physically hurt you.
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It doesn't have to do with teaching people how to fight or hurt others, on the contrary, it is helping them understand that they are already protectors; we just need to help them be better at it by giving them the right tools for the job!
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After showing her some very simple things (that you can find on the Tactical Space Module inside the Private PeaceWalker Membership), I asked her.
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"How confident do you feel now?"
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"A lot more," she said enthusiastically.
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"I probably feel like a 4 or 4.5 on that 5 point scale!" She beamed.
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"Great!" I exclaimed.
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"Is this something you think would benefit your students?" I asked.
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"Yes!" She said delighted.
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"I hope you can share it with them," I said honestly.
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"If you need help let me know." I added.
Just the Beginning...
In the meantime...
Keep going,
~Craig
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