What a Bozo!
This story goes back to 1974. I was 3 or 4 years old. My mom took me shopping with her. (As strange as it may seem...) A bozo the clown doll caught my attention...
For some reason my four year old self NEEDED IT!
“Mom! Can I get this?”
“Not today, sweetie. Let’s put it back.”
“I’ve been good all week, and you told me if I’m good all week, I can get a prize.”
“It’s Tuesday.”
“Can I just keep it while we’re in the store?”
“Sure.”
I never once gave up on getting that toy. I just switch tactics.
Just goes to show that kids make excellent teachers on how to persuade. They show us that influence is the foundation of relationships, especially when it comes to conflict.
In conflict communications, we heavily rely on our ability to influence to avoid the situation from ramping up to an argument or physical encounter.
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It seems like we are always getting others to buy into something, share something, give something, or experience something with us. When you start to see how often you naturally influence, persuasion become easier because you stop fighting your natural sales instinct. Especially during conflict!
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Conflict typically begins with the word “NO.” This happens verbally or through actions.
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Kids don’t let the word no discourage them...
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As a matter of fact, kids often let the word “NO” fire them up, to keep trying. This happens during conflict of all kinds. You’ve seen this often with successful people. Michael Jordan, who was cut from his high school basketball team, went on to become (arguably) the most legendary basketball player in NBA history to date. Einstein failed the entrance exam to the Swiss Federal Polytechnic School. J.K. Rowling was rejected by twelve publishing houses before her worldwide phenomenon, Harry Potter, was accepted. And the stories of not taking “no” for an answer don’t stop there! Stories of overcoming rejection are everywhere, and part of every successful person’s experience.
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When it comes to people regarding influence, there are three states that people typically fall into:
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Open, closed, determined.
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OPEN: The person (or group) is open to your suggestions and often agrees with minimum effort on your part. Typically, you can get them to ‘Yes’ by tactfully asking them one time.
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CLOSED: The person (or group) is not open to your suggestions but, if you ask 3 to 5 times in a particular way, they typically come around to agreeing with you.
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DETERMINED: The person (or group) cannot be reasoned with and/or is being deceptive and no amount of persuasion or influence (shy of severing the interaction or by physical means) will bring them to agree with you. They are determined to do whatever they do with no regard to anyone else.
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So where’s the line? How do you determine what state the person (or group) is in!?
Easy!
Most often, if you ask someone for something, if you say it in the right way (and it is a reasonable request), they’ll comply. (Open)
However, if you do that and they say “no,” that often means “not right now” or not yet. (Closed)
Your job then is to stay safe, pick your battles, and decide whether or not to keep trying to influence them until they demonstrate whether or not they are determined to not comply. Then have your plan ‘B’ ready.
The more you can communicate how the offer benefits the person your speaking to, the easier it will to get them to comply.
When you are trying to influence, you should approach each situation with the idea of helping the person to solve a problem or achieve a goal.
It's astounding how much better you can protect yourself (and others) when you know how influence works. A big part of that is learning how to communicate... How to talk in a very specific way. How conflict communications works in real time.
It's still amazes me how many people don't have a clue and how few go to the trouble of learning how to do it better.
It can make the difference between helping everyone be safer or putting people (including yourself) in greater jeopardy.
What Happened to Bozo!?
What happened with the Bozo doll?!
As the story goes...
After toting it around the store the whole day, my mom made me put it back on the shelf.
But, I was determined...
What she didn't see is when she was distracted checking her grocery list, I picked that doll back up.
We checked out and left the store.
In that car she noticed that I (once again) had the Bozo doll in my hand. She was embarrassed that she didn't notice and we left the store with out paying for it.
We marched back into the store where she apologized for her clepto kid and she made me apologize too...
As she got out her wallet and paid for the doll!
This story isn't about parenting or stealing... It's simply about what we can learn about the natural persistence of a child...
If You're Ready... Hurry!
This month in the Private Membership, we're working on the art of tactical persuasion... Yep, conflict communication skills. Getting people to yes.
I pulled this course of 20 specific proven strategies out of the vault. Doing some live zoom coaching calls too.
If you want in on it (and everything else the membership offers) you better hurry. The course will only be available for a few more weeks.
So, if you'd like more confidence when it comes to dealing with conflict and violence, consider joining my Private PeaceWalker Membership.
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For more details and to join us:
Keep going,
~Craig
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